16 Feb Matador Playlist 2/11/16
This eagerly anticipated installment of the one-and-only Matador Playlist blogg represents an excursion into unexplored and potentially exciting terrain, Gentle Reader(s): Live (sort of) blogiating from the 58th Annual Grammy Awards, presented on the Tiffany Network, CBS, this very evening. The Grammys are usually held on a Sunday but considering that yesterday was both Valentine’s Day and the night that new episodes of Downton Abbey air, the brain trust behind the primo music awards ceremony decided not to compete with the distractions of unbridled shagging that Downton Abbey inevitably inspires and put the Grammys off to the following night. The Dowager Countess of Grantham would doubtlessly approve.
Okay, here we go.
I am watching the red carpet pre-show hoopla with the sound off. A perky blonde interviewer woman is towering over three cartoonish looking black-clad goons who appear to be Johnny Depp, Alice Cooper and perhaps Joe Perry. They call themselves the Hollywood Vampires and they’re apparently playing on the show tonight. They all look like they’re dressing up as their favorite goth cartoon characters. Either Joe Perry is 5 feet tall or the perky blonde is well over 6 feet. Perhaps both. Looks like every day is Halloween for these boys.
In the immortal words of our longtime family plumber, Mr. Bart Mancuso, some of the women in attendance aren’t wearing clothing sufficient to ‘pad a crutch.’
Of the new artists nominees I’m certain only that I’ve heard of one—Courtney Barnett. I’m clueless regarding the others, but then I’m clueless about so many things.
LL Cool J says his prep for hosting the show is “say a prayer, brush my teeth.” Sensible fellow.
Live television can be pretty cringeworthy. The unbearably hyper young pre-show host guy yammering with people at the front of the audience tries repeatedly to get the camera off of him and to the backstage hosts. It’s not happening. He vainly attempts again and again to send the camera away—seriously, about four times!—but it stays stubbornly on him. Twice, he looks at his watch and trumpets the beginning of the show ‘Right NOW!’, but the countdown at the bottom of the screen indicates nearly two minutes left to go. Excruciating.
First out is Taylor Swift in a sparkly catsuit. She seems to be in some sort of spooky forest type set although the song doesn’t seem particularly spooky or foresty (later investigation reveals that the song was ‘Out Of The Woods’). Hopefully she’ll keep the peace with Nicki Minaj tonight. Either her skin or her makeup is flawless—can’t quite say which.
LL Cool J walks out on stage verrry slowly, offers a Philosophical Insight to get things going: ‘Life is made of moments.’ Interesting. I think this is actually a central tenet of Einstein’s Integrated Theory.
It seems that Lady Gaga is presenting a tribute to David Bowie later on. Seriously? Is that really the best they can do?
A lifetime achievement award is announced for RUN-DMC, but they don’t actually present the award. Ice Cube and his son O’Shea arrive onstage, with Cube the Younger being very adamant about flashing a hand full of ridiculously gigantic gold and diamond rings. Kendrick Lamar wins. Not Nicki Minaj. The brothers all do the combo soul shake and lean in/shoulder bump.
Oddly, Super Bowl MVP Von Miller and some guy from the 49ers come out to present the first country performance. The guy (Sam Hunt?) they introduce is built kind of like a football player. Kinda sings like one too. The beefy dude starts off with a kind of romance/rap bit and then Carrie Underwood appears in a puff of smoke. I guess this is what country music is like now. Good thing Brother Gram Parsons ain’t around to see the likes of it.
Significant dry ice smoke budget for this show—every performance so far features at least some of it. Including the Weeknd—you’d think the fellow could afford the extra ‘e’ by now. Weeknd sports one of the evening’s more structurally complicated hair do’s—kind of ‘Sideshow Bob’ as reimagined by Frank Gehry.
Over half an hour in and they’ve only given out one award. This could go on for a while…
OMG—another award! Best Country Album—Chris Stapleton. Long-haired country boys. Thanks the band and the crew—that’s always cool. Soft spoken and brief in their ‘thank yous’—they get definite points for that.
A tribute to Lionel Richie. When did he release his last album?? Four years ago. A tribute to Lionel’s hair dye might also be in order. Demi Lovato provides the first serious cleavage of the evening. Lionel’s face seems about 75% immobile—only slightly less rigid than the neon sculpture version on the back wall of the stage. Draw your own conclusions.
One hour in—only one more actual award presentation so far. Oy. (As it turns out, the Grammys is now an awards show wherein they don’t actually hand out awards. Somehow I missed that memo.)
Little Big Town performs ‘Girl Crush.’ Is this some sort of a followup to Katy Perry’s ‘I Kissed A Girl’? The song is accompanied by a string ensemble, all of the members of which are playing (or pretending to play) black violins, cellos, violas and basses. Weird.
Stevie Wonder, in a rather strange baggy green suit with camouflage sleeves and lapels, performs an acappella salute to Maurice White with a group called Pentatonic. Stevie still sounds great. The old Stevie Wonder ‘reading the winner off the card’ joke—this one never gets old. The first semi-political statement of the night, about access for the disabled—Stevie always gets a pass in my book and it did seem totally spontaneous. Ed Sheeran wins Song of the Year. For some reason fellow-nominee Taylor Swift seems like she’s about to pee on herself with joy. Ed says he’s ‘chuffed’ to have received the award from the hands of Stevie. The audience boos as his co-songwriter is cut off before she can speak.
A video clip of Glen Frey is played then the remaining Eagles with Jackson Browne perform ‘Take It Easy.’ I’ve always liked drummers who can sing. The Weeknd looks mildly baffled as they applaud after the song as does his insanely buxom model girlfriend. Standing O’s seem obligatory after every performance tonight.
Anna Kendrick describes the Eagles performance as ‘powerful.’ Well… that mellow sort of ‘powerful’ I guess.
Stephen Colbert, in New York, introduces a performance from the cast of ‘Hamilton,’ which looks pretty cool, actually. A ‘powerful’ performance by Kendrick Lamar is touted after ‘Hamilton.’ Katy Perry appears in a cosmetics commercial, Annie Clark in a Sonos commercial, Janelle Monaé in a Pepsi commercial, Lady Gaga in an Intel commercial, Gwen Stefani in a Target commercial that turns out to be longer than any of the musical segments in the show. Actually, I can’t tell if this is part of the Grammy broadcast or not—the Target logo never disappears from the lower right corner of the screen. Kendrick Lamar’s forthcoming performance gets downgraded to ‘strong.’ A few more commercials and we may get down to ‘adequate.’
Don Cheadle invokes Miles Davis while introducing Kendrick Lamar. The set suggests sort of a ‘Jailhouse Rock’ theme, or, alternatively, a protest against the incarceration of young black men in America. It seems more likely to be the latter—not much of an Elvis vibe here. African drummers dancing around a gigantic bonfire onstage—quick shot of audience members looking stunned and a bit concerned. Those flames look like the real deal—must be hotter than hell on that stage. Kendrick’s song scores the first ‘bleep’ of the night. When the camera moves in close it looks as though someone has socked Kendrick in the left eye but it might just be makeup. Cool performance and another Standing O—the first one of the night that has actually been earned.
The producers of the show are mixing things up big time—Seth MacFarlane is next out to introduce the Grammy for Best Musical Theater Album. This would usually be about the whitest award of the night (Seth MacFarlane is undoubtedly the whitest presenter of the night) but ‘Hamilton’ wins. Conveniently, the equivalently white Stephen Colbert just happens to have a Grammy award on hand at the Richard Rodgers theater in New York.
Grammy for Best Rock Performance is up next and the Alabama Shakes win. Good for them—Elle King tries hard to look like a gracious loser, succeeding only marginally. Bruno Mars introduces a song by Adele. There are sound issues of some sort—her mic cuts out for a moment and there’s a clanging, metallic guitar sound but no guitar onstage, just a piano. It seems to throw Adele off—she’s singing a bit flat but soldiers on like the trouper she is.
LL informs us that Justin Bieber is going to make us one of them ‘moments’ he mentioned at the start of the show. I’m beginning to feel fluctuations in the time/space continuum already. Skrillex, Diplo and Justin Bieber, onstage together!! Powerful! Strong! Adequate? Justin is rocking a leopard print jacket, a backwards trucker hat, and some actual chin and upper lip scruff. Now it can be confirmed—he knows two guitar chords, folks. A string trio of dubious legitimacy saws away dutifully at stage right. It’s more of an aerobic workout than a song. A total mess.
Sam Smith appears to present the Grammy for Best New Artist. Meghan Trainor wins, sobs uncontrollably. Courtney Barnett flew all the way in from Australia to be ROBBED! Boo! Hiss!
Lady Gaga’s mug appears with digitally projected Bowie makeup to sing obscenely slapdash, truncated versions of ‘Space Oddity’, ‘Changes’, ‘Ziggy Stardust’, ‘Suffragette City’, ‘Rebel Rebel’, ‘Fashion’, ‘Fame’—this is BEYOND horrifying—‘Under Pressure’, ‘Let’s Dance’, ‘Heroes.’ Like Bowie stopped recording after 1980 or something? Nile Rogers should be ashamed to be party to this butchery. Genuinely awful in the worst possible award ceremony/Super Bowl half time show sort of way. On behalf of HUMANITY I apologize to the immortal spirit of David Bowie. This is seriously dreadful. (Further research reveals that David Bowie won only one regular Grammy award [for the video of his song ‘Blue Jean’ back in 1985—that’s the video, not the actual song], and one of those honorary ‘Lifetime Achievement’ awards in 2006.)
Next up, a tribute to B.B. King with Chris Stapleton and Gary Clark, Jr.—perhaps they’ll play an actual song for this one? The underpinnings of the show are apparent when Bonnie Raitt walks out onstage to a swell of cheers and applause but the shot (from the back of the stage) plainly reveals that no one is actually clapping. Much to everyone’s credit, they actually play a complete, tasteful version of ‘The Thrill Is Gone.’
Alabama Shakes perform ‘Don’t Want to Fight’ with Brittany Howard in a regal sort of white floor length dress/cape combo and her sea foam green Sister Rosetta Tharpe SG Custom. These guys are so unassuming—they’re quite cool. Why didn’t they get to perform the David Bowie tribute?
Dave Grohl (I understand this guy used to be in Nirvana! I shite thee not!) comes out to pay tribute to Lemmy, Phil ‘Philthy Animal’ Taylor, and Motörhead. He introduces Matt Sorum, Duff McKagan, and the Hollywood Vampires, ladies and gentlemen! Seriously—Joe Perry must be about five feet tall. Johnny Depp tries to play a guitar solo—the attempt is not nearly as convincing as his recent portrayal of Donald Trump. Genuinely embarrassing. Bruno Mars looks bored during the band’s limp stab at ‘Ace Of Spades.’
The obligatory blather from the president of the whatever it is that presents the Grammys, all about artists getting ripped off by streaming music services. Can’t fault him there. Twelve-year-old Joey Alexander plays a short jazzy pastiche as Herbie Hancock looks on appreciatively, Janelle Monaé seems distracted, and Paul Shaffer chats with his wife. Another Standing O!
The obligatory ‘Lately Deceased’ montage: Allen Toussaint, Maurice White, Glen Frey, B.B. King, Ben E. King, Paul Kantner, Signe Anderson, Dan Hicks, Lemmy, Scott Weiland, Lesley Gore, Buddy Emmons, Percy Sledge, Clark Terry, Ornette Coleman, Play Bley, Bobby Stigwood, Pierre Boulez, Kurt Masur, Gunther Schuller, Natalie Cole, and of course David Bowie.
Pit Bull is to lead the All-Star Finale—the absolute BANE of every music awards show! A performance in which the whole is inevitably less than the sum of its individual parts—depending on the parts, of course.
Surviving members of Earth, Wind and Fire present Album of the Year to Taylor Swift, who makes a great show of being genuinely stunned: Who? ME??? She appears to be the tallest person in the room. Taylor Swift goes on a bit of a diatribe about people trying to deny women their creative power and the credit for it. No reaction shot of Nicki Minaj. Is she even there? (Later investigation reveals that TS’s rant was apparently the latest salvo in her ongoing beef with Kanye West—forever trying to steal Taylor’s fire!)
Trustees Award to John Cage!! If more than .1 % of the people in the room have ever heard of John Cage I’d be amazed.
Beyoncé (there’s a rumor going around that she’s black!) comes out to present Record of the Year, which is won by Bruno Mars, Mick Ronson and others. Mick Ronson seems to be only slightly shorter than Taylor Swift. Mick Ronson has the good taste to make a shout out to George Clinton, the Meters and other founders of the Funk. Can anyone explain to me what the difference between Record of the Year and Album of the Year is?? Honestly—I’m baffled.
Pit Bull’s closing ‘All Star’ jam initially consists of a shimmying Sofia Vergara showing us the junk in her trunk. Pit Bull announces that ‘this is history in the making!’ when he introduces Robin Thicke and Joe Perry to join in the jam. Wow… really? History ain’t what it used to be, folks.
And then, faster than you say ‘I missed ‘Antiques Roadshow’ for this?’ it’s all over. I haven’t watched the Grammys in years and, seriously, this featherweight confab makes the Oscars seem like the Nobel Prize ceremony in comparison.
Oh, and playlists, right! This week’s playlist is an abbreviated affair as it was a quiet night once again at Ye Olde Matador Lounge. I bailed out early, leaving Brother Phil to glean whatever could be retrieved from the evening’s modest revenues. Back in the saddle again this Thursday.
Grammar of Life – Charles Bukowski
Intro – the XX
Save A Prayer – Eagles of Death Metal
George Jones Talkin’ Cell Phone Blues – Drive-By Truckers
My Funny Valentine – Frank Sinatra
Little Wonder – David Bowie
Get With It – Charlie Feathers
Somebody Who – Au Revoir Simone
Immigrant Song – Led Zeppelin
The Hill – Bombay Bicycle Club
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Big Chief – Professor Longhair & Earl King
Take the Skinheads Bowling – Camper Van Beethoven
Seattle – Public Image, Ltd.
Something’s Gone Wrong Again – Buzzcocks
God Only Knows – the Beach Boys
Give Up the Funk (Tear the Roof Off the Sucker) – Parliament
School – Nirvana
She – the Jesus & Mary Chain
Vicious – Lou Reed
I’m Not A Loser – Descendents
Going Underground – the Jam
Pink Peg Slacks – Eddie Cochran
Purity Rock – Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry
The End of the World – the Cure
Tired of Waiting for You – the Kinks
Pusherman – Curtis Mayfield
Born to Kill – the Damned
War Pigs/Luke’s Wall – Black Sabbath
The National Anthem – Radiohead
Lonely Is The Night – Billy Squier
She Watch Channel Zero?! – Public Enemy
Thunderstruck – AC/DC
L.A. Woman – the Doors
The KKK Took My Baby Away – the Ramones
(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace Love and Understanding – Elvis Costello
Pineola – Lucinda Williams
Psychobilly Outlaw – Hayride to Hell
The Apocalypse Song – St. Vincent
In The City – the Jam
Time Is On My Side – the Rolling Stones
Y Control (Brooklyn Fire Retouch) – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Get On the Good Foot, Pt. 1 – James Brown
I Felt Like A Gringo – Minutemen
Panic – the Smiths
Rat Bastard – the Shods
I’m The Man – Nashville Pussy
Black Egg – Snake & Jet’s Amazing Bullit Band
I’ll Take You There – the Staple Singers
When The Levee Breaks – Led Zeppelin
Bed for the Scraping – Fugazi
Ashes To Ashes – David Bowie
Where Did Our Love Go – the Supremes
Enola Gay – the Hillbilly Moon Explosion
Close Up the Honky Tonks – the Flying Burrito Brothers
Shining Star – Earth, Wind & Fire
I’m So Bored With the U.S.A. – the Clash
Cabbage Alley – the Meters
Rock & Roll – the Velvet Underground
DJ – David Bowie
